Lock down, locked out, locked in. Imagine being 22 then turning 23 in the blink of an eye and spending a year under national restrictions. Being told what to do, where to go and who to meet. Feeling as if you are in school again, however if you don’t comply, there is no warning just punishment. Well, that was me and this is my experience.
It all began in March 2020, when it was reported that a fatal virus has entered the UK. Covid-19? Coronavirus? A deadly virus it would become. Like the Spanish flu in 1918, the year 2020 would go down in the history books. Who would have thought I would live through such thing? Well not me. A fatal virus that would go on to kill many, a national lockdown keeping you in the confinement of your own home.
Coming to terms with what was happening was tough. Like a young kid, it took me some time ’till I realised what was going on. No, this wasn’t just a winter flu where you could take some tablets and recover. This was the real deal, a virus like no other. Doctors, experts, everyone was trying to understand what exactly this was. The deaths began to rise vastly, from hundreds per day, to thousands – symptoms becoming more distinct and clearer.
I started to become a hypochondriac, feeling as if I had every symptom related to the virus, but I had none, or did I? I start to reminisce back to a time in late February where I was seriously ill. Body aching, sweating from head to toe and bed ridden. Remembering that for a whole week I couldn’t move, head pounding, multiple hospital trips, with doctors telling me it was sinusitis. But was it? Or did I contract this virus in February? Did the doctors know back then what it really was, or were they just relying on what my symptoms meant at the time? I guess I will never know.
At first being told we would only be in a lockdown for three weeks which turned into months. At first being told you could meet up with one other person from another household to exercise. But then being told not to. That is all it was, at first. These plans never stuck, at first being told this, for that to then be changed, and then told something else. Having no real sight or plan as to when this was to end. No answers, minimal information, just nervously on edge waiting for updates on my TV screen.
Flicking through Netflix, Amazon, paying for Disney Plus, to sit and watch movies all day. Series after series, documentary after documentary. It was nonstop, trying to keep myself busy and occupied. Being told my University lessons would now go online, keeping me further away from people and different social environments, mentally I suffered. Having different thoughts and feelings every day. Feeling sad, happy, motivated, angry, anxious, and excited all at different times, it was a never-ending cycle of emotions. Houseparty – the app – which kept me sane. An app that allowed you to connect and speak to people across the world, entering different online call rooms and speaking to friends, families, and strangers. Playing games, making jokes, planning things was all part of what kept me going.
Entering a phase where I started to read, write. Trying to be more productive and not spend my time just procrastinating, it was tough. Learning about David Goggins – a big part of my lockdown experience – an inspirational man who was not going to be a statistic, he led the way for me to change and inspired me to do better. I began waking up at 6am, jogging and working out. Looking after my body mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I began to connect with my family better. Making amends with my mother. Loving my brother. And respecting all those around me.
I had changed.
Lock down. locked out, locked in, I felt I was free from sin, a year of punishment felt more like a year of development.
I had changed, for the better.
