17th November 2019. The last time I saw a live competitive football match. 198 days and counting.
When it was announced that the first ever WSL North London Derby – that’s my team – Tottenham Hotspur Women – against Arsenal – was to be played at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium – that’s the spaceship stadium – I knew, there was no doubt about it, I had to go.
This is not the first time I’d watched live football or this team, but it was the first time I’d watch my beloved Spurs women live. My team, that in a few short years since being founded has stormed to the top division of the game.
This was the team that had brought a smile to my face no matter what. If I was ever to see them play one match this was the game. The game that ended up breaking records for attendance, the game that put women’s football on the north London map.
I remember that day as clear as a crystal. I sported that smile and stepped out of White Hart Lane tube to see the incredibly beautiful new stadium for the first time in person.
I don’t think the smile left my face that day, even while watching Kim Little score an absolute rocket against us and then, again, as Vivianne Miedema, one of the best women players in the world, hit the back of our net.
I was still happy. I was watching the sport and team I love.
For years football saved me in ways that many wouldn’t understand. I strongly believe it’s the reason I’m still here. Going through one of my darkest moments of my life and not feeling like there’s a way out I discovered a football player on YouTube and from that point, football was my outlet. Football distracted me, quelled the demons shouting at me in my head.
During the pandemic, football has hugely helped me keep my mental health healthy. Being able to watch my team play, even if in my home, well I don’t think I would’ve been able to get through the pandemic intact without it.
When the WSL was first suspended I felt lost. The one constant in my life had been taken and I no longer had that space safe from disturbing thoughts. It was a struggle yes, for a long while. Even when the league started up again it didn’t feel the same.
Watching a screen alone is not the same. I need to interact with fellow supporters or to be surrounded by others watching the same team together.
Football is a constant in my life, no matter how painful watching Tottenham may – sometimes – be. Football for billions is a special thing, and we truly are lucky to be able to still watch during these tough times. Hopefully it won’t be long before I can beam up to the Tottenham Hotspur spaceship again.
